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Thursday, April 8, 2010

Report Spooks codename Beemie

Warning: this post contains hot information, not to be shown at work, or to children´s eyes.

Oh my gosh, I intercepted a secret, handwritten report about the Grid. Well no, not really, I found it outside in a trash can. I could not read it, so I had it translated into English. Then, I´ve sent a copy to the Grid. I received a short reply signed by a H. Pearce stating it was false. So I boldly publish the report here.

Report on British soil codename Beemie
A certain Spook stated he ´bought a Beemie´. We think that was code talk. After some interrogation it turned out it was Lucas North (further to be referred as ´LN´) disguised as actor Richard Armitage. He was misquoted by agent F. as Bee, because he persisted to have said ´Beemer´ all along.
Of course our resources could not return to their base with this sparse information. So a thorough investigation was ignited and included severe scrape ups of all public displays of quoted Spook in full frontal outings. His distractions were executed under false names, after we got word he was tortured and imprisoned in a Russian jail for eight years. We believe this was a coverup.
We had to double check our resources as well, since two of our agents were not capable of professional behaviour after some tousle on his account. Our resources described the unexpected tousle-incident as ´incidental body contact´ and ´mental reading of agents´ minds´. We had to sent them to a secluded location codename Convent deep in the Tazbekstan Republic.
After this distortion we could proceed with our research. Beyond believable were LN´s acclaimed outings that had to do with oldfashioned ways of transportation. The Grid can´t fool us that badly! We had to narrow down our search of stated Spook to the outings in which he had a brush with the metal, so to speak. Which led us to our own bra(inwa)ve question. Was this Spook impressed by a model with steel curves and gentle handling, probably mentioned by the codename B. M. Who?

List of evidence

1. LN under the false name of Dr. Tom Steele codenames Doctors, Loopy Old Woman, date 2000 in a Mazda MX 5 pretends it to be the B. M. Wie Z1.

B.M.Wie Z1, fabricated in 1990

It´s the Mazda MX5, but LN pretends it to be the B.M.Wie Z1 
Or not

2. False name Dr. Alec Track codename Golden Hour date 2005 coverup police car. Unfortunately no fingerprints were found on this car by LN. We did found traces of wax.

B.M.Wie 5 series, model E34, fabricated between 1988 and 1996

3. In 2009 another Spook by the name Ros was seen nearby a 3 series Coupé, model E46. Again no dna-traces of LN on the steering wheel were found. It is believed this model is no secret project.  

B.M.Wie 3 series Coupé, model E46

 4. For counter check purposes we add the following proof.

Quotes about Jeremy Clarkson being positive about B. M. Wie. Who he? Double agent??
Quotes about B. M. Wie drivers statistics

See separate subreports on points 1 to 4.

LN previously quoted, disguised as actor Richard Armitage, ´to drive his father´s cars´, codenames Citro En, Scrap Iron in which we could not spot him, therefore it must be true.
We had to go at great lenghts to obtain evidence, even through close surveillance in the late hours.

We cannot conclude otherwise with scraped evidence.

Follow up

After we wrapped up our equipment we came to know that LN is not so lucky in his next outing. Proof obtained through illegal actions.

False name John Porter, codename Strike Back, date 2010


Our conclusion is: he´s worth monitoring, unfortunately he shows no imminent threat to our secret organisation.

We do book him on our list of future torture activities codename Seductive Whisper for messing with the dna-related productive systems.

Screencaps used: Armitage Online, The Framework Blog, top classified


Traxy said...

Hmm ... were the bits about the quotes supposed to be links? Because they're not linked. :(

Very funny post! :D

Violet said...

The Tazbeks wrote the subreports and I already passed them through. They found links of BMW driver´s statistics, but on several sites, in German and Dutch. Even the Jeremy Clarkson´ quotes were temporary been put online.