"If more of us valued fangurrrling and cheer and song above hoarded gold,
it would be a merrier world."
One: Please, stick to THE ONE (shakes hands)
TFB: OK, The One (talks in voicerecorder: `Maintain ´One´)
One: (looks up)
TFB: Where shall we sit? Here?
One: Yeah, uh, alright.
TFB: One, first your reaction on RA as Dwarfleader Thorin.
One: Beard love!
TFB: What´s with the beard love?
One: (strokes beard with hands) I kinda like it. I grew it to sympathize with The Hobbit cast, far away in New Zealand filming this 3D monster of a movie..
TFB: Two movies! No, three movies!
One: You can count!
TFB: And write! But back on the beard topic. How did you get that beard so natural? Hormone pills?
One: Yeah, great, huh? (hikes skirt) I am now a female Dwarf.
TFB: (in Hobbit awe mode) A female Dwarf! You´ve read Tolkien´s footnotes!
One: So you know that Dwarves have females with beards! (leans forward) But in PJ´s version... (whispers) no romantic Dwarf love.
TFB: Are you putting up a smoke screen?
One: Good idea! (lights a long brown pipe) Yeah, well. (takes a few suckings, then exhales slowly)
TFB: Why do you smoke a pipe?
One: Fits with the character.
TFB: What character?
One. The one you bring forward on your blog!
TFB: (exaggerated) I can write whatever I like!
One: Oh really?! Why don´t you write some explicit love scenes?
TFB: Should I?
One: Want input? (exclaims) ´The Dwarf who shagged me`.
TFB: (coughs) It´s probably been done...
One: What? By whom?
TFB: I can´t tell you.
One: You suck.
TFB: No, you. You´re pipe needs tending after.
One: Oh thanks. (does heavy recovery on pipe) Well, where was I?
TFB: You being a female Dwarf?
One: If they are gonna change their minds... I am ready to be one!
TFB: (coughs) Hmm. Talking about one, you´re known as the One, why?
One: Once upon a time there was this actor I encountered and since then he keeps mentioning me.
TFB: I only found two or three mentions.
One: I had hoped he would keep it down.
TFB: You don´t think he did?
One: Officially yes, so I´m grateful.
TFB: You have stated to be called the One.
One: It must be me. I do grant every fan their chance meet with Mr. A, don´t get me wrong.
TFB: You referred to an encounter. Tell us more.
One: Sorry, these things are private.
TFB: You proclaimed him your respect.
TFB: You gave him a compliment.
One: Oh yeah.
TFB: You left him on his own.
One: What do you think?
TFB: What´s wrong about that?
One: (sighs) I could not believe I behaved like that!
One: So.. so... so.. lost for words.... idiotic.. it was highly embarrassing! (knocks with pipe on the table)
TFB: So you did what?
One: Grow a beard! Helps me to be incognito. (plays with facial hair)
One: Oh, you mean that! Walk on and ignore the fact for a whole year.
TFB: And then?
One: Own it. So I wrote him the letter.
TFB: In which you included at least chocolate and underpants, I dare hope? (winks at One)
One: No, no! I wouldn't... (looks worried) You think? (whispers) I didn't get the reply.
TFB: Maybe that's a compliment.
One: Maybe he glanced over it and still likes my weirdness. (smiles hopeful)
TFB: Who knows? Does it matter?
One: If it was his Mum that reads these letters, I hope I haven't upset his Mum.
TFB: Should I issue a formal apology on my blog for you?
One: (blushes) Must I? Sorry, I won't do it again, Mr. A - 's Mum.
TFB: I doubt it. RA tends to consider you to think of him as a piece of meat.
One: You take that back!
TFB: It's in the article, so it must be true!
One: I'm the last person who would think such a thing! In fact, he stated his fans were all so diverse! Besides, I do have my own set of male fans, thank you very much!
TFB: I don´t have time to hear about these sort of fan encounters.
One: (suddenly is fed up) You know what, I don´t have time for you as well! (stumbles over TFB, drops pipe and picks it up from the floor)
TFB: By the way, did you ask for an autograph?
One: No, I didn't ask for an autograph... Being mentioned is the highest regard! Although I could do with his convincing, romantic... (kisses pipe intensely)
TFB: (sighs) I think we're done.
and in one interview 'More Than Just Spy Candy' (both from 2010)